This is my "10 pounds lost" photo. I plan to take a photo in this outfit for every 10 or so pounds I lose!
I was probably on some kind of diet at all times from the age of 16 until about 23 or so. Not kidding. I won't go into where I think it stemmed from, because to be completely honest, I don't know. I had a certain standard I set for myself as a girl that I never felt I could meet, I guess. Add that to being a musician and, about once a year, being involved in acting in some way or another ... I was in the public eye a lot, and very critical of myself.
I have literally done everything from Atkins to these weird pre-surgery fasts I do not recommend. I've even done Weight Watchers back when you actually had to count your fruits and veggies and you got just enough Points to sustain yourself. And I never once made it past around 10 days without completely screwing everything up.
I've weighed at least 140 since the 8th grade. 140, which I always thought was just huge- I now realize that's hardly the case at all. Now that I've been pregnant and survived pre-eclampsia which sent me home from the hospital at 205 libres, anyway. Yeah, I have stretch marks on my calves. True story.
Sometime right around my move to Indiana in 2009, I was just done with dieting. I honestly became a little phobic of it, I think. I had tortured myself with diets for so many years that I finally just resigned myself to eating whatever it was that I felt like eating since my boyfriend thought I was hot and everyone kept telling me that I didn't need to lose weight in the first place. At the time I was still around 135, my lowest weight since 125 which I reached during a time of great dumped-ness.
Fast forward to post E, and I'm at 160, a number I swore I'd never see, not ever. I mean, I once went on a consultation for arm liposuction when I lived in Houston - yes, I did that! The baby/water weight was gone, and I was left with what I had done to myself, because I love the crap out of food. I just do.
Why did I kept screwing up?
First and foremost, my perception of time was so, way off. If I'd been dieting for a week, it seriously felt more like a month and I wanted to know why I wasn't skinny right now. Second of all, I was surrounded by beautiful girls who were on average at least twenty pounds lighter than me, and they were able to eat whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted to eat it. More importantly, my expectations were skewed. The notion that "it's a lifestyle, not a diet" was somehow impossible for me to grasp. Impossible. So as long as I ate "differently" than my peers, I was not in a world I enjoyed very much.
So what's different now? I've been on Weight Watchers for eight weeks, I've lost nearly 15 pounds, and I'm more than ready to keep going. Why this has worked this time and not other times for me is really, really important for me to think about. There's that saying, "If I can do this, you can." I'm not kidding. I'm seriously, seriously, seriously not, though.
Why am I succeeding now? -- Because it really is a lifestyle. And no one needs cheesecake more than once a week ... no one.
This go-around with Weight Watchers has really taught me something that I never quite learned in the past: nachos are awesome and they are not off limits. The problem is that the average American meal is obscenely starchy and fatty. We love our cheese fries and burgers and fried chicken and huge plates of pasta, and we have no idea that that isn't really how we're supposed to do it.
Think of it this way. Your car runs on unleaded fuel. Treating your car with the swanky SUPER unleaded stuff is extra yummy for it, but you just don't have the budget to do that all the time ... our bodies are similar.
"The problem is that the average American meal is obscenely starchy and fatty. We love our cheese fries and burgers and fried chicken and huge plates of pasta, and we have no idea that that isn't really how we're supposed to do it."
Our bodies love what most people consider rabbit food. Our bodies love lean meats, green veggies, tasty fruits and lots of water ... but an Olive Garden smorgasbord isn't the end of the world for it either. That stuff - the stuff that us Americans consider just an average, every day dinner? That stuff is special occasion stuff. That stuff is swanky, super unleaded goodness that we budget for.
Another great analogy: if you're a shoe connoisseur (and I am not) there's truly nothing wrong with saving up your pennies and dropping $200 on a hot new pair of kicks. But what if you shopped like that every day? Just bought crap, hundreds of dollars worth of crap, ever day? That's taboo. That's a financial disaster waiting to happen. We don't seem to view food the same way.
If you want a Baconator (mmm, bacon) save up for a Baconator. But just know that having one every day is just asking for trouble.
Oh, did I mention I have a daughter? And that she's going to notice how I take care of myself and mimic what I do? And that I want her to see a woman with a sense of self-control and self-confidence she can then take after? Yeah. That's a big one!
Why does it matter? You really aren't that overweight.
It matters because it matters to me. That's why it matters. I no longer think I'm "fat" like I did several years ago, but you know what? I wasn't eating right. I wasn't exercising (that's another entry.) What would happen if I did eat right? What will happen when I do exercise? The goal here isn't what it used to be. Sure, I am paying attention to a number on a scale. I have an ultimate goal of 125, which is a weight I was really happy at several years ago. (Okay, not happy in life, but I felt decent about my body.) That's my gauge there. And if I continue eating how I'm eating and if I keep up with my running (please God, help me keep up with my running) and I never make it to 125, the point is that my body will have figured out where it wants to be. It will regulate, it will have everything it needs and nothing it doesn't. That's what matters the most.
Later, I'll map out what my eating week looks like and any tips I think have helped me out the best.
As for now, I am just going to think about nachos.
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