I seriously still can't believe that a university is going to pay me to get a master's degree in creative writing while teaching their students stuff. Whenever I think about it, I'm still kind of in shock -- mainly because I had resigned myself, many years ago, to the idea that art was just a hobby, and you were a fool to actively pursue it as a career. And then I ended up miserable doing everything else, while simultaneously being terrified of creating art at all, partially because I loved it so much and even trying it would be like going on a date with an exboyfriend that I never got over, and partially because I always had a sneaking suspicion that I sucked, so why?
Then, after three horrible, miserable years trying out teaching and banking and counseling, I had run out of "do what you love" options. So I applied to a program doing something that was just as horrifying to me as it was exciting and fulfilling and ...
... they actually wanted me. They read my statement, they looked at my writing, and they said, "This girl should teach classes and study with us." ...
Really?
I know it's "just Ball State" (to some), but I'm still just like ... wow ... I mean, now I literally CAN'T go back to full-time 9-5 work because of this.
Oh, why can't you work a full-time 9-5, again?
Because I'm in a graduate program for creative writing and I teach freshmen/remedial writing courses (I'm assuming). And they pay me. I make money doing something I love and know and long to do and hate to do sometimes but I have to do it because if I don't do it, I'm not me and I don't know me.
That's so amazing.
I guess I should clarify that "full-time 9-5" just means "one of those jobs where you work for an hour and push paper for the other eight." Or any job that you hate.
And I guess I should clarify that I've technically been working more than 40 hours a week out of my house anyway so it's not like I have an aversion to work.
And I guess I should clarify that I need to go to bed.
Just happy.
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